Valentine's Day

[irishredlass]

I would dearly love to wish all my flists a Happy Valentines Day and I must do so this evening as those words shall never pass my lips on the actual day.

Though Valentine's Day is meant to be a day to celebrate love it is a day I have hated for the last 20 years and I do not see that sentiment changing. 

Instead, I will take time tomorrow to think of Anthony Mathias and Zachary William two sweet boys who never drew their first breath.  Twenty years ago I lost my twin boys in the 29th week of pregnancy.  It has been so long that most years the day passes with quiet reflection, but the sorrow has faded.  This year seems to be different as this year they would have been twenty and I am rapidly reaching double that milestone.  I have come to the conclusion that I will never hold an infant in my arms to wonder over the life they have in front of them and it saddens me to think my sons never had the chance to live. 

So, Happy Valentine's Day flist and happy birthday to my sweet boys.

Comments

[organic-chemist.livejournal.com]

Awwww ... happy birthday indeed. I'll light two candles and remember them tomorrow.

[irishredlass69.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

[bambu345.livejournal.com]

My dear. I almost don't know what to say, except I have a son who will be twenty in three weeks, and just the thought of him not having been a part of my life sends chills down my spine.

::hugs you::

I send you all my thoughts and good wishes for the two precious souls who have kept faith with you all these years.

[irishredlass69.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I know it is often hard to believe it has been 20 years. If you can sneak your son an extra hug for my boys. The hardest question to answer is how many children do you have? Do I say none or acknowledge the children that I carried below my heart, but never got to hug?

[bambu345.livejournal.com]

I will definitely give my son a hug for you, and even though he'll sigh and say Moooom in that long-suffering way teenagers have, he'll hug you back.

It would be a dilemma, and one which probably doesn't grow easier with time. On the one hand, there will be months, even years where it isn't an active pain, and then other times it's probably an unbearable thing.

::hugs you again::

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[irishredlass69.livejournal.com]

Hugs you back!