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It seems I am a glutton for punishment.
To give a little background...I followed my "Eagle" to the midwest. He is a man that I have loved and cared about for many years. He was my college advisor when I was in school. After I graduated and been working for a time he became deathly ill and they were ready to place him in a nursing home to die. I could not let this happen so, I quit my job and spent more than 2 years nursing him back to health. I was wonderfully successful. In 2004 for he took a job in the midwest. I could not get my classroom back after so long an absence and so was working in a dead end job unable to support myself. He offered me the chance at a new begining in the midwest. Since I had no children and no family to consider I took him up on his offer. By this time I was in love with him and he loved me as well, but was not willing to "tie me to a relationship where no children were possible".
To make a long story short he met a woman on line and married her within 5 months. My heart broke as I stood up as his "best man" with him at his wedding. His wife turned out to be quite a bitch with a criminal past and a drug problem. He has been attempting for the last 2 plus years to make his marriage work. Because of his marriage our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I have never stopped loving him. He just left my house after the first visit we have had in 3 months. He and his wife have been seperated for almost 3 months as well. I might add that this is an on going pattern, but this is the longest seperation to date. Since their marriage they have not been able to string more than 2 months together without her leaving. They have been in counseling since the 10th month of their marriage. Am I the only one to see that this marriage should just end?
On my side I know that I am being used. He knows that I love him and that I will never turn him away. I cannot because I love him more than any man I have ever loved before. It tears me apart every time he walks out of my house. I know that I should just tell him to go to stay away from me, but how do you cut out your heart and continue to live? The sweater I am wearing now smells of him. I love the way he smells. I can go for months at a time and think that I am over this love and then I see him again and I know that I will never be over him. We are inexplicably tied. I literally saved my Eagle's life. In the Native American culture there is a belief that when you save a persons life you are bound to them througout the rest of that life. There is a trace amount of native blood in my veins, but he is half. I call him Eagle because that is what his name means and the tribe that he comes from. So, now I hurt and at the same time I am at peace because I have spent the last 5 hours with the man that I love.
To give a little background...I followed my "Eagle" to the midwest. He is a man that I have loved and cared about for many years. He was my college advisor when I was in school. After I graduated and been working for a time he became deathly ill and they were ready to place him in a nursing home to die. I could not let this happen so, I quit my job and spent more than 2 years nursing him back to health. I was wonderfully successful. In 2004 for he took a job in the midwest. I could not get my classroom back after so long an absence and so was working in a dead end job unable to support myself. He offered me the chance at a new begining in the midwest. Since I had no children and no family to consider I took him up on his offer. By this time I was in love with him and he loved me as well, but was not willing to "tie me to a relationship where no children were possible".
To make a long story short he met a woman on line and married her within 5 months. My heart broke as I stood up as his "best man" with him at his wedding. His wife turned out to be quite a bitch with a criminal past and a drug problem. He has been attempting for the last 2 plus years to make his marriage work. Because of his marriage our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I have never stopped loving him. He just left my house after the first visit we have had in 3 months. He and his wife have been seperated for almost 3 months as well. I might add that this is an on going pattern, but this is the longest seperation to date. Since their marriage they have not been able to string more than 2 months together without her leaving. They have been in counseling since the 10th month of their marriage. Am I the only one to see that this marriage should just end?
On my side I know that I am being used. He knows that I love him and that I will never turn him away. I cannot because I love him more than any man I have ever loved before. It tears me apart every time he walks out of my house. I know that I should just tell him to go to stay away from me, but how do you cut out your heart and continue to live? The sweater I am wearing now smells of him. I love the way he smells. I can go for months at a time and think that I am over this love and then I see him again and I know that I will never be over him. We are inexplicably tied. I literally saved my Eagle's life. In the Native American culture there is a belief that when you save a persons life you are bound to them througout the rest of that life. There is a trace amount of native blood in my veins, but he is half. I call him Eagle because that is what his name means and the tribe that he comes from. So, now I hurt and at the same time I am at peace because I have spent the last 5 hours with the man that I love.
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