Pulling my hair out!--venting feel free to ignore

[irishredlass]

Okay, I have spent precisely 3 nights 7, my house is a mess and by four o'clock yesterday it is all I could do to not get a speeding ticket on my way home as I raced to sanity.

It is so hard to watch my Eagle as he literally puts his life in jeopardy over another failed marriage. Yup, you guessed it he hit the bottle again on Thursday and Friday night and then Saturday was spent dealing with with-drawls.

The more this continues the more I want to rip my hair out and the more I want to knock him upside the head. I am firmly convinced it is not the woman he loves, but the concept of being married, having someone to come home to and not being alone in the house. I so want to rage and scream at him to "grow up!" I am also certain he suffers from attachment and abandonment issues that go all the way back to his being adopted at birth and I am not the only one to think this... his daughter agrees.

I quite bluntly told the man that if he asked me to marry him tomorrow the answer would be a resounding "No!" I cannot commit myself to a relationship where my partner (and I use this term specifically) has to rely on me for their happiness. I will not lose myself in that type of relationship again. To my way of thinking a marriage needs to be a partnership which is enriched by the individuality of those involved. Not a situation where I have to report my trips to the restroom, urgh.

He sits there and tells me she is mean, she is cruel, she has used him and put him in debt over $100,000 dollars and still he laments the fact he is divorcing her when she has lived in separate residence for 10 of the last 12 months. Get over it.

Comments

[averygoodun.livejournal.com]

Oh. I'm sorry. (Although a happy childhood is waaaaaaay better than an abusive one!)

[irishredlass69.livejournal.com]

No arguements on that front...coming from an abusive childhood myself. I only meant that he had all of their focus and attention. His first two marriages both went south after children came into the picture. Do not get me wrong he loves his children, but intrinsically (I think) he cannot cope with having to share the spotlight so to speak. I have noticed, in the last few days especially, that all of his speech is colored with "I" or "me" and there has been a constant seeking of reassurance that he is a good and valued person. He is frightened of being alone and sees marriage as the only way to prevent this malady.

Do not get me wrong. I love him with all of my heart, but I honestly believe he needs help. Help that I cannot give him in coming to terms with these issues because until he does he will be plagued by his even greater demon of alcoholism... he drinks when he is alone and afraid and is thinking too many negative thoughts.