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Well, I have not spent my weekend writing as I had hoped. Instead I spent the bulk of my weekend with my own Severus the only problem is his Lily is still alive and making his life a living hell. I wish she would just disappear, be gone or something. The only positive I can say is I have gained much inspiration for RYA even if I have not gotten any writing done.
You see I am my Severus' Hermione who wants to fix everything and make it better. He is Severus who is tied to the past (be it a recent past in this case) and everything he does is motivated by and irrational misconception of love. He internalizes everything until it tears him apart and he almost cannot function. Then it is time to turn to Hermione where he finds solace, love and care. Things that are lacking in his misconception of love. Like Severus he is older and he was my teacher. He was not loved by his biological parents, but treasured by those who adopted him. They raised him with an over developed sense of integrity. It is over developed because lets face it sometimes it just does not make sense. He is loyal to the point of hurting himself before he sees the error of his ways. He wants to be loved and yet is blind to what being loved really means and cannot believe I love him as much as I do. He is proud and hates being pitied...accepting help is akin to under going a painful medical procedure in his world. Yet, he has an unfathomable degree of optamism. It truly baffles me. How can he not see the pitfalls and the patterns.
Pardon me my ramblings. Now maybe I can write.
You see I am my Severus' Hermione who wants to fix everything and make it better. He is Severus who is tied to the past (be it a recent past in this case) and everything he does is motivated by and irrational misconception of love. He internalizes everything until it tears him apart and he almost cannot function. Then it is time to turn to Hermione where he finds solace, love and care. Things that are lacking in his misconception of love. Like Severus he is older and he was my teacher. He was not loved by his biological parents, but treasured by those who adopted him. They raised him with an over developed sense of integrity. It is over developed because lets face it sometimes it just does not make sense. He is loyal to the point of hurting himself before he sees the error of his ways. He wants to be loved and yet is blind to what being loved really means and cannot believe I love him as much as I do. He is proud and hates being pitied...accepting help is akin to under going a painful medical procedure in his world. Yet, he has an unfathomable degree of optamism. It truly baffles me. How can he not see the pitfalls and the patterns.
Pardon me my ramblings. Now maybe I can write.