Opinions and Advice please...

[irishredlass]

Okay, here is my problem:

I am beginning to think I am either the most expendable person in the universe or just a doormat and I do not know how to fix the problem, but I am getting tired of it.

First, there is my Eagle and his new twit. Last weekend was all a flurry, he was in the hospital and I was needed. I put everything on hold (not that I had any major plans) and went to his side. I spent the better part of 4 days in the ICU with him and then ran all of the needed errands when he was released. We made plans that I would go over there today and spend some time. I called last evening to confirm those plans and was told perhaps next weekend would be more convenient for them. They had decided that Sunday would be "chore day". So, I was put off because it was a higher priority that they weed and feed the lawn.

Then, there is my friend Cat. There have been any number of times I could name where I have dropped everything to be there for her. She is going through some difficult times with her daughter and she and her partner of five years have split. I have even assisted her financially because of the mess her partner left her with. Well, I just tried to call her to see what she was up to. She was very cold on the phone and I was simply told "I'm busy". (She was fishing, btw)

Shall we go on... basically I am the friend that is there whenever my friends need me: they can call on me anytime of the day or night (and they have)and I am there, I am counselor, emotional support, physical support, whatever they need I provide. Yet, I am not a priority to any of my friends. This is not the first time I have experienced these brush offs and I am getting just a little sick and tired of it. I value my friends and want to be able to spend time with them, but I am tired of being put off or rescheduled. Yet, time and time again I find myself willing to change my plans and schedules for them because this is the only way I can see them or spend time with them.

Is it wrong of me to feel insulted because weed and feed is more important? Is it wrong that I feel slighted because I friend I have been there for through thick and thin cannot spend 5 minutes talking to me because she would rather be baiting a hook?

How do I make the people in my life realize that they are making me feel used and useless at the same time? Or am I wrong?

Comments

[irishredlass69.livejournal.com]

I agree they need to understand, but how do I make them see what they are doing?

I went as far as flatly telling Eagle, "I know you have your priorities."

I do not want to hurt the people I care about, but I am coming to the conclusion that it make take me saying some very hurtful things to make them understand. It is not in my nature to be deliberately unkind and this bothers me.

[septentrion1970.livejournal.com]

Does it bother them to hurt you, however unintentional it may be?

[irishredlass69.livejournal.com]

I would hope the answer to that question would be yes, but I honestly do not know. Not knowing the answer is my own fault as I have, in the past, always swallowed the hurt and disappointment.

Eagle has admitted to me that he knows he has treated me poorly when he was married to PB and promised never to do so again. Obviously a pie crust promise (easily made easily broken)

Cat too has said she knows she has been a poor friend.

If they know this why do they continue?

[septentrion1970.livejournal.com]

Because you let them? Experience has--sadly--taught me than being too nice often ends biting you in the arse, but being slightly harder with people lead them to respect you more. Doesn't mean I don't get bitten in the arse anymore.