irishredlass (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
irishredlass) wrote2008-09-29 08:36 am
irishredlass) wrote2008-09-29 08:36 am
(no subject)
I am so tired of all the finger pointing and bullshit in life. I have basically written off my Eagle for the last month plus. I have not written him though he has sent me one email... lamenting his solitary existence. Something, I remind you, he brought upon himself. Then last night he emails me asking a question about events that happened over 3 months before he and the PB were married. Good God this woman is truly nuts! She is now trying to convince him that I was attempting to poison her son's mind against him before they were even married. Gees give me a break!
Now it is time I pat self on back. The only response I sent him was to reiterate the actual events which occurred and the fact that I would not be the scape goat for the demise of his marriage.
Then he called me! Not five minutes after I sent the reply.
I have to admit it could have gone better as I did initially lose my temper with him because of previous communication which caused me to write him off. I do not even appreciate the illusion of being called a whore. Once I had calmed down I ask him why shit that happened over three years ago was being brought up. He said he thinks she "needs something to blame". I explained it was not "something" but someone" she was trying to blame and then once again reiterated I would not be the scape goat. He actually admitted that I should not be and then the call ended with him telling me he loved me.
The sad thing is though I know I love him too. I do not think at this juncture I would ever enter a "relationship" with him. I am trying to hold steady to this resolve because I know at this time it is the best thing for me, but my friends it is hard because I do love him.
Now it is time I pat self on back. The only response I sent him was to reiterate the actual events which occurred and the fact that I would not be the scape goat for the demise of his marriage.
Then he called me! Not five minutes after I sent the reply.
I have to admit it could have gone better as I did initially lose my temper with him because of previous communication which caused me to write him off. I do not even appreciate the illusion of being called a whore. Once I had calmed down I ask him why shit that happened over three years ago was being brought up. He said he thinks she "needs something to blame". I explained it was not "something" but someone" she was trying to blame and then once again reiterated I would not be the scape goat. He actually admitted that I should not be and then the call ended with him telling me he loved me.
The sad thing is though I know I love him too. I do not think at this juncture I would ever enter a "relationship" with him. I am trying to hold steady to this resolve because I know at this time it is the best thing for me, but my friends it is hard because I do love him.
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It is indeed an aweful situation and I feel like such a cold hearted bitch but, I have to protect myself. There is part of me even that says if I ever hope, wish or dream for there to be a chance of he and I after this marriage is over I have to maintain my distance. As much as my heart yearns to wrap him up and protect him from life, the world and himself I cannot do that and leave any hope alive. He has to know when this is all over that it was not because of me his marriage failed. I think they are both pretty much resigned to the fact the marriage will not survive but, now she is trying to foist the blame on someone other than herself and I am the likely target. I just have to hope the knowledge he has of me in his heart can stand up to the evil she speaks.
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