First of all, let me say at the beginning that trying to answer a question such as this, from many hundreds of miles away, and knowing nothing about the people involved, is a little like attempting target practice from miles away while wearing a blindfold.
However — I will try to tell you a few things that I do know that are consistent with a reasonable approach to dealing with young adults who are still dependent on their families for bed and board.
As long as someone who is 19+ years old is partaking of the largess of his/her family, friends, or other loved ones, having clearly stated ground rules to which they are expected to adhere is an absolute necessity.
I good friend with whom my husband worked at a hospital for the treatment the of addictions and behavioral problems, and who is a Ph.D. in clinical counselling, stated it this way: "Fat dog don't run no rabbit."
The good doctor was not trying to be funny. What he was saying is that there is no reason on God's green Earth for anyone to make any effort to 1) change themselves, 2) become responsible, 3) help around the house, 4) clean up her room, 5) do better, 6) contribute to the welfare of the family, ..... if they get every thing they want provided to them by said family, friends, or other loved ones.
If she is dealing with a clinical depression and taking medication for it, she should be seeing a psychiatrist trained in the use of these medications, at least for the monitoring of the meds. And she may also need to be undergoing counselling with the psychiatrist or a licensed clinical counsellor.
But, and this is a BIG BUT, if she has absolutely no inclination to want to change anything about herself, no one can make her. In this situation, she is holding all of the trump cards — every last one of them.
The way to PERHAPS make her want to change some things is to have a reasonable and clearly defined contract for her, that she will be expected to sign, and which will spell out in great detail what is expected of her, as well what is expected of her parents (and what penalty will occur if any of the parties falls down on the job). If she wants to continue to live at home, she will have to sign the contract and live by it.
Having a timer lock on a computer falls under the Good Column of the list of things parents can do.
Everything I have said is of no use if your niece is psychotic, but from your description, I take it that she is depressed.
I hope I have given you a few things to think about that may help your brother and sister-in-law to find their way in this situation. It is not an easy thing to deal with.
I send you and your family my heart felt prayers for quiet hearts and a decent night's sleep. Beth
no subject
However — I will try to tell you a few things that I do know that are consistent with a reasonable approach to dealing with young adults who are still dependent on their families for bed and board.
As long as someone who is 19+ years old is partaking of the largess of his/her family, friends, or other loved ones, having clearly stated ground rules to which they are expected to adhere is an absolute necessity.
I good friend with whom my husband worked at a hospital for the treatment the of addictions and behavioral problems, and who is a Ph.D. in clinical counselling, stated it this way: "Fat dog don't run no rabbit."
The good doctor was not trying to be funny. What he was saying is that there is no reason on God's green Earth for anyone to make any effort to 1) change themselves, 2) become responsible, 3) help around the house, 4) clean up her room, 5) do better, 6) contribute to the welfare of the family, ..... if they get every thing they want provided to them by said family, friends, or other loved ones.
If she is dealing with a clinical depression and taking medication for it, she should be seeing a psychiatrist trained in the use of these medications, at least for the monitoring of the meds. And she may also need to be undergoing counselling with the psychiatrist or a licensed clinical counsellor.
But, and this is a BIG BUT, if she has absolutely no inclination to want to change anything about herself, no one can make her. In this situation, she is holding all of the trump cards — every last one of them.
The way to PERHAPS make her want to change some things is to have a reasonable and clearly defined contract for her, that she will be expected to sign, and which will spell out in great detail what is expected of her, as well what is expected of her parents (and what penalty will occur if any of the parties falls down on the job). If she wants to continue to live at home, she will have to sign the contract and live by it.
Having a timer lock on a computer falls under the Good Column of the list of things parents can do.
Everything I have said is of no use if your niece is psychotic, but from your description, I take it that she is depressed.
I hope I have given you a few things to think about that may help your brother and sister-in-law to find their way in this situation. It is not an easy thing to deal with.
I send you and your family my heart felt prayers for quiet hearts and a decent night's sleep.
Beth